I want to share with you, an experience that we have had with the “Prosocial Peer Moderator program”, that is now in its second year running. We started this program last year with the backdrop of increasing school violence and we felt compelled to try and do something about it. More often than not, we feel that what we can do is so much less in front of the problems we face, that we don’t out any effort, we don’t try to go out of the box, and experiment with ideas. It’s these dilemmas and the desire to experiment for the sake of making a change that we started this program. The idea was to train students, make them peer role models of Prosocial behavior and skills so that they can in turn pass these skills to other students and drive a process of environmental change in their schools, and maybe help in reshaping the vies, attitudes and behaviors of some of us adults. .We were not sure if schools would be interested, more so we were not sure if students would get involved with this. And this week as we completed two sessions in our second year of the program, I look back and can honestly say, we were so wrong about the youth.

 These children from schools, whom we thought are into breaking rules and discipline and all that they care is fun, and any attempt to train them with serious stuff, would not be welcome, and they proved all of us so wrong. In the last two years, we have had over three hundred students from over fifty schools who have got trained as peer moderators, these students in turn have trained the younger student sin their schools with life skills related to management of aggression and skills related to studies and examinations, and the next batch would be trained in risk behavior management and media literacy. These students have then conducted so many interesting programs ranging from debate competitions to poster competitions and so on in their schools, and we are in the process of making a peer community that would impart Prosocial skills to the student community at large. What has been so gratifying is the response of the children, their eagerness to learn, their eagerness to make a change, and be a part of the solution instead of the problem, and in doing so they have given us, the (so called) experts so many skills in return!

 The thought that I wish to share through this blog is that there is hope for the future. Youth seeks direction, and guidance, and if we are willing to put an effort, they would reward us by supporting, directing and activating us to give them more.

Youth is willing to learn, are we adults willing to learn as well?

Look around.

On traffic crossings, one would se so many of us trying to get first, more often than not with some danger to someone or the other.

In car parks, you would see another territorial tendency of mankind manifested in a very similar manner.

In queues, be it bus, train, or for that matter to catch a flight, for a film ticket. One would see more and more people actually believe that either others are invisible, or that ones own self is supreme!

This list can go on and on. It’s just for us to find ourselves on this list, and introspect

Introspect. Social empathy, and more so responsibility, has been replaced by apathy, and ego-centricity.

I wonder what are we passing on to the next generations, and I wonder what would our future be. Would it be a compassionate collective society or a millions of individuals all fighting for their egocentric space and illusions?

I wonder, would we realize the slow decay of our values, or one day we would just wake up to a stark scary reality, a reality that we would have gifted our children? 

Ask yourself; who is first?

You; or your child?

And if your answer is child, then pass your child values, of our culture.

Let me give you a reality picture:

A teacher goes to the counselor’s room and scolds the child taking her session, demanding why she is wasting her time with the counselor!

Another teacher asks a school psychologist, does counseling at all help?

One teacher mocks a child that he must be having some problems that why goes to counseling.

There are counselors who do substitutions.

Then there are counselors who accompany students to competitions.

And there are still more schools without counselors!

This is what experts in the field of school psychology experience daily, an indifference that comes from ignorance and more so denial from the “educationists”. 

There are so many lacunae in our approach to school mental health systems that I wonder why wouldn’t there be an effort to do something about it. When we compare the educational systems across the world we would realize how school psychology is an integral part of a school and the fact that it is one of the key areas of focus. And even after several years of trying to get counselors to be in schools, today we have more schools without counselors. Not just this, we still are unsure of who a counselor would be, and more so what would be the role of a counselor.

What one needs to also appreciate that we do not have enough experts in the field, and the fact that one counselor in a school with over thousand students would also be ineffective. The fact that school mental health needs to be a comprehensive approach and would involve a lot of effort for us to bring it at par with world standards.

We need to start from the first step and that’s training teachers and parents towards child mental health issues. We need all schools to have teachers who are trained in basic counseling so that they may cater to the needs of more children and schools must have counselors. These counselors also need to be regularly trained and need to be supported by experts like school psychologists, psychiatrists etc. Schools need to develop their own “School Psychology Departments”. These would cater to all aspects of the development of a student, from academic and study skills and examination skills, to behavioral concerns, social and emotional development, screening of disorders and their management, parent and teacher guidance, and more- A comprehensive approach to the needs and development of a growing child. 

The Board and other regulatory bodies need to ensure that school psychology is an integral part of our education system and implement policies for comprehensive mental health systems in schools. The board needs to also ensure that this is implemented and make schools accountable for developing psychology services for students.

Normal development is beyond academics. Its social, psychological, emotional development that makes an individual a unique person. Schools are grounds where we build our future. Psychological development, support and guidance are a key to an individual development. I would be writing at length on various aspects of school psychology and counseling in future, and try and give an in-depth insight into the topic. Meanwhile, let’s start from the basic. Accept the need of having comprehensive psychological services in schools.

Let go off your ignorance so that your indifference is substituted by acceptance. And acceptance leads to a positive change.  Continued education of the self, makes a true educationist.

I feel there are several factors that collectively are responsible for the rising incidence of crimes by youth – media, changing family dynamics, perception of law and punishment, peer and group factors, changing social and moral values and the accompanied change in the “self” – all of these have an impact on the disturbing rise in youth crime. Let’s try and get an insight into these.

Impact of violence in media on young minds I have commented upon in some of my previous blogs as well, the fact is that violence in media does increase aggression in youth and can lead to crime. Glamorization of crime in media, its imitation by youth, the disinhibiton and desensitization towards crime and violence by being exposed to media are some of the effects that have a key impact on the behavior of youth. Self censorship, media literacy, and prosocial drives would be useful to counter these.

Change of communication in family, an increased distancing between generations, has led to change of our emotional self, a change in our ability to empathize with others, and we are unable to build stronger bonds and the human factor of our life has been reduced leading to more self oriented behavior as compared to societal oriented behavior. The way forward is to invest in family, more time sharing between generations, lots of exposure to grandparents, and building family ties.

Peer dynamics are another concern, there is enough evidence to suggest that in group there is increased tendency towards aggression if that is a prevalent though in the peers, also peer encouragement can lead to more delinquent behavioral patterns. Also, the need to be a part of group, the pressures towards group conformity, all have an impact on youth crime. The way to deal with is, a concentrated approach towards work done at school levels., from assertiveness training, to a pro-social approach in schools, with focus on early detection and guidance of children who are showing conduct traits, parent and teacher continued education, and basically an approach towards making responsible and empathetic adults out of the youth. 

Another factor that needs to be pursued is the perception of law and punishment. There is a feeling in the youth that one can get away with things if one has the right connections, one feels that so many get away with what they do unpunished, so maybe it may work for them as well. Also, the long gap between crime and punishment at times takes away the deterrence factor as the crime is discussed widely in the media and society, but by the time punishment comes, the crime is forgotten, the consequence learning lost. Quick convictions and judgments, change in reporting style of crime with a focus on consequence and impact and devoid of any glamorization, would be useful to create a better social impact related to crime and its perceptions.

As a psychiatrist, what disturbs me the most is the way the “self” in changing, ‘end’ has started taking precedence and importance over ‘means’. Success, fame seen to be the driving force but efforts and values are been compromised. Dearth of role models and a rise of irresponsible self centric new age role models are all around us. Glamour of power, is what is been pursued but the human loss is not been repented. Crime is nearer to us than it was decades back. Acceptability of our change and almost a celebration of our deviance is becoming a newer reality.

Its time to introspect with insight and accept ones own role and more so responsibility towards society. It’s easy to try and analyze, and reach a superficial trivial trigger as a cause and blame it all on it, this is mere intellectualization mixed with denial, something that is neither honest nor mature. What is needed is a churning of self, and a churning of the society, and we all need to take the step together, without waiting for someone else to take the first step.

Remember, youth is the mirror of the society. What we are, is what we get.

Decades back when the needs of mankind were been evaluated, one would have never thought that the need to be featured in media. read television..read reality television, would be so strong that mankind would allow itself to fall down any ladder of basic intelligence and responsibility to be featured in front of millions.

These are times where reality, perceived reality, real reality, portrayed reality, fictional reality, and reality with high TRP, all have their own meanings. And in between one wonders is there a reality?

This brings us back to the need of sixty seconds of fame. How the need of self esteem has suddenly lost its actual self meaning and become so public. The personal domain, of relationships, morals and dignity, and the most basic human emotional self can be paraded and exploited in the names of reality. That the voyeuristic fetish of people can be exploited to arouse emotions and generate a TRP. And the fact that amongst all this melodrama, the perceptions about life can in real get distorted, not just for the children, but more so for the social network of the society.

Think about the people, their stories that you talk for a few days, and are lost forever in the mad rush to have more real faces and real stories, that you would realize this rush actually is worth sixty seconds. And after this the sparkle if off and the actual reality of the world back. And this world needs the same basic ingredients, sincerity, honesty, effort and dignity, and the respect of the personal domain. 

Life has become more stressful, and the world has narrowed down between work and a few hours of television for most. The make or break lifestyles has put pressures on each aspect of our social network, and without our clear insight we have become vulnerable to newer needs, seeking transient outlets, in the ever transitional world.

But life is a longitudinal axis. Transient transitions would be always incomplete. But the impact on the societal network would not be a mere transient moment, but it would lead to transitions: social-cultural-moral; which would not be turned back in time.

 So face the truth. The real truth.

Viewing of violence by children has always been a source of concern to social psychologists as it has been seen in many experiments that aggression can be a learnt phenomenon and in situations where children are exposed to violence their attitude towards aggression also changes. Let me try and help you understand how viewing of violence affects the mind of a child.

When a child watches anything that has violence, the child develops a tendency to aggress. Besides this watching of violence also makes children disinhibited and desensitized towards violence. Also, these children tend to imitate the violence which can have its own dangers, and experience a sense of arousal while watching such shows. What concerns psychologists most is that when children are repeatedly exposed to violence, they accept violence as a part of life, and their attitudes towards violence change, they lose their sense of empathy as there is a distortion of reality perception.

Consider the kind of programs that children see. How many murders they would watch per month and how many brutalities they would witness. The fact that so many cartoons also have a lot of violence needs to worry us. Teens love to play video games (play stations) that have violent themes most adults are not even aware of. The glamorization of violence by entertainment media has given a false image to violence and like mentioned above, this has further distorted the social and moral perception of children towards violence.

With these impacts that have been established by studies worldwide, one wonders why would we even need to show violent programs to children? We talk in terms of a responsible media, about self censorship, and we keep being dishonest to ourselves, we basically keep giving in to our “id”, at the cost of our “super ego”.

I don’t say that media is only responsible for increasing aggression in children and increased youth violence, of course there are multiple factors that play a role, but this does not mean that we keep passing the buck and keep searching for easy scapegoats to blame. The fact is all have a role to play, and this needs to be accepted, and hopefully self corrected so that we stop showering the children’s world with violence.

Parents need to be more aware about the exposure that children get, and have to try and ensure that they are able to help children develop a compassionate sense of self and a true sense of reality with social empathy and healthy morals.

But I feel one of the most important aspects to deal with this is giving children and teenagers “Media Literacy”.  Media Literacy programs need to be implemented across schools, and our education system needs to empower children with ability to filter the messages from the media, and to be able to use their own minds without the adverse effect of distorted reality that they are exposed to in media.

And maybe, this media literacy in youth may then help media to go through its own self correction!

Looking at some of these role models that children are surrounded with, not much hope is generated. For instance, the politicians, our leaders, they have their own issues with discipline management. Each year we have seen scenes in the parliament that are least to say embarrassing. They stoop down to unacceptable language and behaviors. Leaders: People we follow. Imagine a child aping the same behaviors in the school room? What would happen?

Another category of role models comes from sports. Sport stars should represent how hard work pays off and the effort that goes behind being successful. What a perfect lesson for a child. However, today’s new age phenomenon is of being aggressive, bordering often on sledging and unprofessional conduct. Aggression is not assertiveness, the sports stars need to be reminded, nor is it the mantra to a success for winning on the field. Aggression, abusing, sledging is so unbecoming and unacceptable a behavior of a professional, even less for that of a role model. Imagine a child who follows such a hero, his favorite sports star, and uses the same language in school or home, what would happen?

Further, looking at today’s reality TV, for it’s watched by our children and therefore affects their behavior. In the name of reality, that is testing an individual’s resilience, everything is valid. Language has no bar, or does behavior. From judges to participants, no rules, no bars! And yes, the infernal “beep”, a lame attempt to hide and undo these behaviors. All this in name of what? Is there a purpose? Think about the teenagers who follow these shows? Who have a tendency to hero worship? Imagine them plying it out in a school situation, what would happen?

Solution? Accept reality. There are too many vectors acting on children as they grow up, and most of these have lost a sense of responsibility. So it comes down to parents, teachers, and the communication and education we give our children.

A word for the role models: Be honest. Just remember, you are being watched by children, you would leave a legacy in the minds of our future, so be responsible. Remember, it could be your own child imitating you!

Over the past few years work profiles have changed – more hours, targets, pressures and attrition fears. With the change in the lifestyle, financial pressures have also made inroads into the psyche leading to whole different kinds of pressure cycles. Distancing from the family has had its impact on making us less able to cope with the stresses of modern day living. Increasing people have psychological and psycho-somatic problems, and there are an ever increasing number of experts from the mental health field, with more and more people seeking their help.

Children spend increasing time on television, and internet, and spend lesser time with family. The impact of this we have already started feeling. The older population, have a higher rate of depression and suicide and the loneliness stress is very significant in them. One of the factors behind both these is the fact that the working generation is not able to invest time into family, as the pressures of our living get the better of us.

This is not an easy issue, as there is no clear solution, and certainly no “tips”. But this is an issue that needs to be addressed, and we need to appreciate our priorities. One would have to work, one needs to take care of financial security, one would have ones own desires and goals, but in absence of family, this would not be complete. My opinion on this is that we need to be able to balance our priorities, and appreciate our needs, specially our emotional needs. Family is our heritage, and our most effective support system. We need to build it, accept its importance and invest into it. Distance from family is a loss, to each member, and in this incompleteness lies loneliness. 

Basically we need to utilize the advances in communization to share time with family, next time you send a forward of a joke, or a line on the facebook, share it with family. Humans have human needs. Emotional needs and its fulfillment are one of the most important needs that we have. And its family that would fulfill it, family is your “secure base”; you can always come back to it to be fulfilled. It’s our heritage, take care of it.

Let’s revise some facts here. Statistically speaking homosexual behavior is expressed by around 1-2 percent of the population. This is a minority but not an abnormality. All left-handed people cannot be called abnormal just because they are in a similar minority! “Homosexuality” is no more regarded “abnormal” by the present system of judgment of behavior in psychiatry. From 1973 onwards, the nomenclature committee had eliminated homosexuality as a diagnostic category, and doing so was the result of the view that homosexuality is an alternative life style, rather than being a disorder. The person’s orientation has many factors, biological, psychodynamic etc., and these factors lead to a person’s sexual orientation. The fact is that “orientation is not a matter of choice”; more so, it can’t be changed, and it doesn’t have to be treated as it’s not an illness.

Over these years, the society has by and larger been discriminative, due to its own ignorance. The impact of these on individuals with same sex orientation has been very significant. These range from being social isolation, discrimination at work place, loss of family and social support and a sense of inferiority and inappropriate guilt because of their inability to conform to the social stereotype. Studies have reported that these individuals have more loneliness, low self esteem and a low self acceptance, and they have depression more than others. As a psychiatrist in clinical practice, over the years I have had many people who have come to me with these issues, and I can empathize with the distress they have experienced due to the social stereotype and discrimination.

In this context the judgment passed by the honorable court is appreciable. In my opinion this judgment is both scientific, and humane. As mentioned above, since early 70s, it’s been accepted medically that orientation is not a matter of choice and cannot be corrected, and the fact that same sex orientation is not a disease and this is an innate phenomena that a person is. The judgment goes with what science says, and this is a positive and progressive step, that needs to be welcomed. More so this is a humane decision, as in spite of the medical facts related to this, there has been stereotypical discrimination of people with same sex orientation causing them intense distress. Their human rights have now been respected, and this is welcome.

I believe this is a step in the right direction, though there is a long way to go for the society to stop discriminating on the basis of orientation. We as a society needed to look at this aspect with empathy. The society needs to take the responsibility of its own behavior. It needs to develop an insight into what are the impacts of its irrational negative behavior on the population that has to bear the brunt of it.

The honorable courts have given the society a direction, that’s scientific and humane, now it’s for the society to reciprocate.

The reflection I write here is not about one person; it’s about the stress an individual placed at the epitome of success by the society and deemed to be a celebrity endures, the extreme highs and lows they experience, and the lack of empathy accorded to them by society, treating them as mere objects almost forgetting their human vulnerabilities and needs.

I feel that at times we tend to be too intrusive in the lives of celebrities, and the boundary for personal space is crossed which adds on to the stresses experienced by these people. We also tend to have certain views and attitudes towards them and see them through our cognitive patterns which more often than not are stereotypical and faulty. After all they too are human beings, and to a large extent their success is a derivative of their efforts. Surely like any other human they would also make mistakes, they would have their highs and lows, and have limitations, because they are humans, and similarly they would experience emotions and have their needs. And when they fall they need support like any of us. If they make mistakes they need to be treated like we do anyone around us. And if they break rules, the consequences need to be like anyone else as well. But in reality this does not happen, and that’s where their isolation takes place and makes them more and more vulnerable.

This is where family support, support of friends and peers, and the empathy and support of society would make a difference…as the society needs people who do well and they in turn need the society. Celebrate the celebrity, but also remember, a human is a human, and has all human needs of respect, love, care, and space.

I’ll end with the title of a song that I have always liked which I think can express the human need of any individual, something for all of us to reflect upon…. with a song that I have always liked by MJ, “Will you be there..”